Conversations with a Polish boy, Part 1.

me: i am going to scream if i see another one of those hats. they are so ridiculous.

him: what? what's wrong with them? i love those hats.

me: excuse me?

him: well, yeah, i wouldn't wear it to the mall or something but i would wear it skiing.

me: you would wear that hat skiing. are you kidding me?

him: no. skiing is a time when you can just be crazy and wear whatever you want. that’s why people go skiing.

me: that is so not the reason people go skiing. that isn't even remotely close to the reason people go skiing.

him: oh really? then why do people go skiing?

me: to go skiing.

[do you think i'm being mean? because this is the hat we're talking about. yes, fake hair and all.]

me: hey, did you get my text message?

him: yes.

me: oh. why didn't you reply?

him: because your text message said, “you have the same first name as Tchaikovsky!”.... and i’ve known that my whole life.

[i mean, i feel like it still warrants a reply, but whatever.]

me: eva sent me the sweetest email earlier. it made me cry.
piotr: how long did you cry for?
[the response i was expecting was, "what did it say?".....but i should know better by now.]

him: do you like me?
me: sure.
him: lucky you.
[it's okay, i don't get it either.]


me: sometimes i still can't believe that heath ledger died.
him: who?
me: heath ledger.
him: oh yeah. he died, unfortunately.
me: ....i know. that's what i just said that.
him: yup. you were correct.
[..................yeah...]

him: if i go to the US, i want to do what my friend did.  when he went to the US, he got little odd jobs. cutting the grass and chopping the wood.
me: excuse me?
him: yeah, just like little jobs here and there.
me: cutting whose grass and chopping what wood?
him: just taking care of people's houses in the area.
me: okay.........um, well. i'm not sure if i can find grass-cutting and wood-chopping jobs for you. we'd be there for, like, 2 weeks, why would you want a job?
him: just to have some extra money. you know, for the bus and stuff.
me: do you think we ride buses in oklahoma?
him: why wouldn't you ride buses?
me: it's oklahoma. you can either drive a truck or a tractor. no bus.

[no, that is not true. well.....it's kinda true.]

him: hey, whatever you do, don't buy The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo if you find the english version.

me: why not?

him: because it is poisoned.

me: poisoned?!

him: yes. it's poisonous.

me: do you mean it’s scary and you think i shouldn't read it? because the word “poisonous” doesn't really fit in this context.

him: no, i mean it is literally hazardous to your health.

me: ………….how.

him: there are little white worms in all of the pages. it’s all over the news. a german book factory was infested with these little worms and they are so small that you can’t see them. apparently, they are pulling that book from the shelves all over bookstores in germany because they’re all infested.

me: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? that is disgusting!

him: i know. so just promise me you will NOT buy it.

me: ok, i won't buy it .........are you being serious, though?

him: no, not at all, i made that up but i bought it for you as part of your valentine's day present so just don't buy it, k?

me: k.

[i really did believe the worm thing.]