what a 6 hour layover in jfk looks like.

just an example of some thoughts bouncing around in my head during my layover in jfk (part of the itinerary from hell, ya know).

“chili’s!!!!!?  there is a chili’s.  i am standing in front of a chili’s.  i am in america!  with chili’s!  okay, strawberry lemonade time.  why is a strawberry lemonade $5 here?!  oh, because this is new york.  and oh(!), because this is an airport.  and oookay, why did the girl behind me in line choose this time and place to announce to her friends that she is pregnant.  couldn’t she think of a place more fitting than the chili’s to-go line?  okay, now they are screaming.  oh! and squealing!  am i supposed to turn around and congratulate her?  oh.  this is when we pretend we don’t speak english! got it.”
“there is ice in my cup!!! there is ice in my strawberry lemonade!!! america, i love you!!!!!!!!  i’ve forgotten what it’s like to live in a country with ICE!!!”
“oh! these people are speaking polish! i wonder if they want me to count to ten and tell them the alphabet, followed by my listing all the fruits and vegetables!”
“that is, like, the 5th dunkin donut store i have seen in the past 4 minutes.  america, you’re just…you’re just somethin’ else.  you’re the best thing ever.”
“OH MY GOSH, SO MANY PEOPLE ARE SMILING!!!  I think I’ll smile too, now!  AMERICA!!!!!!!”
“okay, where are the toilets….where are the toilets…..why does this airport not believe in toilets…..”
“oh!  ‘restrooms’ = ‘toilets’!!”
“outlet.  outlet.  we need an outlet.  why are there no outlets.  doesn’t this airport know i need to sit down and watch all 5 seasons of HIMYM?  what else am i going to do during this layover?”
“wow, that is the 3rd person who has bumped into me an then apologized for it!  america the beautiful, indeed!”

note: excluded from this re-cap is the time i used my calling card to call 7 people from a pay phone to announce my triumphant return.  ….and not one of them answered.  and then i called them all again! …and then none of them answered. 

also excluded is a young canadian man venting very passionately to me about his dissatisfaction with the obligatory custom forms, which began by him saying, “this must be new because i have NEVER had to do this”and continued with my saying to him, “well….i’ve always had to it when i come back into the country, so….i don’t really think it’s a new thing….ya know...”.  the conversation then proceeded with him saying, “no, this has never happened to me before.  why do i have to fill out this form?  what happens if i don’t fill it out?  what is the point of it? what will happen to me???” and me responding with “well…i don’t really work here, so…….i’m sorry about that” and then awkwardly looking away.

but did i mention yay america?!