how i ruined a surprise party, and some other things.

as requested by this young lady, this kindred spirit of mine, this former roommate of mine, and this unicorn, here are some fantastically fascinating facts (only TWO of which are about beyonce!).

1.  I am notorious for sending text messages to the wrong people.  I even ruined a surprised party this way once, by sending the message, “are you going to Christine's surprise party tonight?” to – you guessed it! – Christine herself.
2.  Speaking of surprise parties, my friends in high school threw me one.  When I walked in the door and they yelled, “Surprise!”, I was so annoyed (for some reason, that was my initial response) that I immediately turned around and walked out of the house (???).  They have it on video, too.  Is this something April Ludgate would do?  I think so.
3.  I am a firm believer in that there is no problem – big or small – that cannot be solved by the playing of (and/or the dancing to) a Beyonce song (specifically this one, this one, this one and this one).
4.  I am the world’s worst email responder.  The very, very worst.  If you’ve ever sent me an email and I haven’t replied, believe me when I say: I totally meant to.  If you send it again, you may have better luck.  Otherwise, please expect a response in 4-5 years.
5.  When I travel, I think staying in hotels by myself is such a thrill.  And one of these days, I’m going to be the kind of person who can afford to order room service for every meal – just you wait and see!  …Such a normal aspiration, isn’t it?
6.  In college, a guy* once wronged me (in a non-romantic way).  When a friend confronted the aforementioned male, he said, “I’m not too worried about it.  She’s Sasha Fierce!  She’s too confident to let it get her down.”  Even though he was a total jerk (and mistaken, because it did upset me), I was oddly flattered by that statement…(see #3 for more details). 
7.  Confession:  I have seen You’ve Got Mail over a hundred times (Do you get it?).  ((And by “a hundred”, I mean “a thousand”.))  It’s my ‘bedtime movie’.  Everyone should have a bedtime movie.
8.  Here’s another confession for you:  I’ve never dyed my hair, although as a small child, I wanted highlights very badly and, with a yellow highlighter, drew all over my hair.  I was shocked when I looked in the mirror and realized my dark brown/sometimes blackish hair was still dark brown/sometimes blackish, with no trace of fluorescent yellow blonde whatsoever.
9.  It is a known fact that my allergy to pollen, ragweed, cottonwood, cats, dogs, and furry animals in general will be the death of me.
10.  One of my pet peeves in life is the phrase, “As long as you’re happy!”.  As long as you’re happy?  No.  That is the absolute dumbest philosophy to live by.  This stupid mantra can be used to justify the most irresponsible decisions!  How about instead of advising our friends in this foolish way, we speak the truth (lovingly, mind you) and offer sensible, non-generic input instead?  Because what gratifies you instantly might not be what’s best for you long-term.  Or it might make you happy, but hurt many others as a consequence.  Okay, stepping off soap box now.
11.  Hi, I’m back on my soap box again.  Number 10 reminded me that this quote might be the worst I’ve ever seen.  First of all, let’s all live by Eminem’s rulebook; that seems like a real bright idea.  Secondly, what?!  I would say the majority of people who have a collection of enemies have done something hurtful to warrant that animosity, and only a handful have earned it by “standing up for something in life”.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Then again, this quote was authored by someone who refers to himself as “Slim Shady”.  (And yet, this post was authored by someone who takes pleasure in being referred to as “Sasha Fierce”.  The irony never ceases!)

*This guy friend just so happens to be one of the boys pictured above.  I won’t tell you which one….but I’ll give you a clue:  he’s wearing a puff vest with a polo shirt, which, for the record, probably confuses me just as much as it does you.