a letter to all gyms in germany*

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

*or maybe just my gym

Dear gym,

Why do you think that playing Marilyn Manson songs from 2006 over Germany's Funniest Home Videos on mute provides for a motivating gym atmosphere? It doesn't. At all, actually. My iPod is so much better than you. May I introduce you to Weezy, Yeezy, Jigga, Girl Talk or - dare I say it - Willow Smith? Seriously, though, people. When I play Lil Wayne's "I am Not a Human" or Kanye's "Power" (remixed or original, doesn't matter...or both, back to back), I could run on that treadmill all day long. Funnily enough, watching a cat fall into a toilet on the TV screen in front of me doesn't quite have the same effect. Or let's talk about "Monster", shall we? When Nicki Minaj opens her mouth in that song, my adrenaline reaches unprecedented levels. But you falter between the genres of confusingly out-dated death metal and lullaby-ishly slow R&B, which upsets me. Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are"? Come on, now, that's just counter-productive! I didn't want to have to say it, but....you make me miss the US of A and the kind of gyms that come with a mini TV and DVD player on each machine. Just for that, I think I'll run my next 5kilometers to the tune of "America the Beautiful".



And in the spirit of the red,white and blue (or rather red, gray and blue),
I present to you the following photo:

I can't remember why exactly we're all sporting the AA deep V,
but I can recall that this photo was taken during the weekend
we saw Rihanna, Kanye and M.I.A.
back to back to back.
And we're obviously making those gang signs
in honor of M.I.A.'s 'Paper Planes'.
And that makes it a fitting photo for this post...right?

Megan said...

gyms with individual person tv's is where.it.is.at.

Got to love the USA and their five star gym establishments and highest overweight numbers in the world. go figure.

Brenna [fabuleuxdestin] said...

I can only imagine how weird that gym experience is. In France we spend most of our days mocking the tacky music that is played in every store and restauant. During Christmas 50 cent was blasted from the speakerphones in town!?? sigh.

Jan said...

Love the picture and love it that you love the USA!! Miss you.

Renee said...

Love this post, your writing is lovely! Like the songs on your iPod xo

Rachel said...

haha love it - that's hilarious. and yes, my ipod deinitely helps to drown out the bad music from the gym

k said...

haha love it. If there is one thing about Switzerland that I can't stand it is their musical taste!!! Oh my gosh, stream Radio Pilatus sometime and you will see what a mean. Give a good hour. We turn this on to entertain people when we are drinking...each song just gets better and better!!
P.S. Have you heard Lil Wayne's 'knockout' for some reason that makes me want to run a lot!

Mighty Burns said...

you have to be kidding me right now. this is so funny! what a weird gym.. are we sure it is all of them? lol I think I would have thought I was being punkd lol.
I am alll about Nicki right now.. which is weird becuase when she first came out i didnt like her..but now she is so the person I climb those hills with on the bike machine!

Jessica said...

Eek! No way, I would crank up that iPod girl, Marilyn Manson is NOT on my gym playlist!

Melissa: Write it in Lipstick said...

Hahaha Willow Smith, that girl sure can pump you up. I think if I had to hear Marilyn Manson I would be traumatized and never want to work out again. Hmmm, that might be a good excuse.

Ashley said...

Haha this is too funny Marylyn Manson really?! Ooh goodness that is just not treadmill music at all. Earplugs are a definite necessity ha ;) xox

Chelsea Finn said...

haha oh my gosh. This made me laugh so hard. How is it that even in gyms in different countries are different!?

<3Chelsea Elizabeth

Sara Louise said...

Marilyn Manson songs from 2006 played over Germany's Funniest Home Videos sounds like some sort of torture technique.
And I'm so jealous you saw M.I.A.!

its simple love said...

ha ha that is hilarious. I would agree that that does not sound that motivating! Thank goodness for personal ipods. I could not live without mine.


Brooke T said...

I wish I even worked out.. aha love that picture!!

Pepe Le Pew said...

Nothing says "give me two more laps" like a saucy polk number played over a muted The View.

Anait said...

haha I think the idea of gyms has yet to catch on in Europe. Walking on cobblestone streets in heels is enough of a workout for me ;)

Jamie Walker said...

Haha this cracked me up! Gym music can be the woooorst.


Anonymous said...

Funny post. The atmosphere in gyms is usually cheesy but this sounds particularly over the top.

LL said...

I kind of want to go to the gym in germany now...

Anonymous said...

And how do you know that all German Gyms are like this? Have you been to every single gym in Germany?

Victoria said...

GirlTalk is bomb. uh-mazing.
also, AA deep V's. Another amazing thing.
I wear them all the time!

Jenni Austria Germany said...


Definition of 'asterisk'
Webster's Dictionary

1. (noun) asterisk
the figure of a star, used in printing and writing as a reference to a passage or note in the margin, to supply the omission of letters or words, or to mark a word or phrase as having a special character

in this case, the special character is sarcasm.

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