what NOT to do when skiing in austria.

{skiing in Mühlbach am Hochkönig, 44 miles south of Salzburg}

1.  You probably shouldn’t wear a black leotard beneath your ski apparel.  I can understand the appeal in creating a Beyonce-inspired winter look, but trust me, it’s not very practical.  Not that I would know from experience.
2.  When you ride the bus from the city to the mountain, don’t get distracted and exit the bus one stop too soon.  Running after the bus while carrying your ski equipment and shouting, “Halt, Halt!” while trying to pull up the pants that are too big around your waist isn’t as fun as one might think.  Also, it puts you at risk for leotard-exposure.  Not that that’s ever happened to me.
3.  Some chairlifts in Austria look like this.  Others resemble an apple-shaped cage, into which you awkwardly climb after detaching your skis and storing them in the outer compartment of the cage along with your poles.  When the chairlift stops ascending and you’ve reached the top of the mountain, don’t expect to find a  downward-sloping ramp awaiting you upon exiting this cage-like contraption.  There is no downward-sloping ramp!  This isn’t Crested Butte, Monarch, Loveland or Taos!  There’s just a flat ramp – which isn’t very rampy at all – meaning you’ll have to use your poles to gain momentum, as the flat platform you step out onto provides none.  So when it comes time to exit that little cage, you should open the cage door, reach outside of the cage, grab your skis, throw them onto the non-slope, step into them, grab your poles and use them to ski away.  Do not stand there awkwardly, confused by the lack of slope, because the ever-moving chairlift will hit your backside, you will fall to the ground, you will have to roll away stop-drop-and-roll style so as to prevent bumping your head on the chairlift (which is nearly impossible to do with skis on your feet and poles in your hands) and you will feel very embarrassed.  Not that I’ve ever done such a thing.

{but do arrive after noon, if possible.  many ski resorts offer a half-price discount later on in the day!}